What a devout Christian lady in the 21st century looks out for in a man- Part 1
I was inspired to write this article after I read something similar recently, “how to woo the 21st century lady” when I read some of the points, I agree that it truly represents the average lady of the 21st century but it did not represent how I can be wooed nor a lot of Christian friends I have around thus I decided to pen this post.
N.B. This post is not for every lady; not even for every “Christian girl” out there, yes, and I repeat, it’s not for every lady . Our priorities differ. So really, it’s not a popular post, meaning I am not representing majority, I’m representing some minority, I’m not representing “I go to church” 🙂 (I understand we are all growing in the faith, so no judgment) if at this point you’re already raising your nose, please stop reading and move to the next article lol, Thanks.
So what does the devout Christian girl/lady of this age want in her man or better still what should she be looking out for in a man? I listed quite some points, of course no man will meet all, but this will serve as a guide to someone I believe. Alright, let’s go….
She wants to know that:
- He truly fears God and has a relationship with Christ (our perfect example): These days everybody is born-again, so a lady who is truly a Christian (not just a church goer) knows that a man saying he is a Christian or saying he is born-again in today’s world is not enough. Having the fear of God and having a genuine relationship with God goes beyond Sunday service. It goes beyond being a worker in Church. For me, it stems from knowing that this man spends quality time in the place of prayer and Bible study and it is evident in his lifestyle and actions, I am not talking about studying the Word or praying to show off but to know God more, to establish a better relationship with God and his fellow human beings and over time the result of these activities are evident in his life.
- His utmost priority is keeping God’s command and pleasing God above mortals: A genuine Christian guy will choose to stay faithful to you not just because He loves you but because He loves God. My husband once told me, I’m not only staying faithful to you because I love you and would not want to hurt you; I am staying faithful to you most importantly because I love God and this is what God will have me do. That was the day I really stopped bothering about that part of our relationship…lol! If you know what I mean, I just had this peace that well it’s not just about me. If he ever errs or is erring he has a conscience that makes him concerned about what God thinks of his action, which should be the ultimate. If a man doesn’t give a damn about how his actions affect God, your feelings will matter less to him. I agree that it is not easy to discern these things but, if you let the spirit of God lead you, the eyes of your heart will be opened, and you will see.
- He allows her freedom of worship and active participation in church activities while doing so himself: Like I said, this is not a write-up for everybody. Most genuine Christians don’t feel comfortable warming bench in church. They are usually not spectators so they want a man who can make this journey easy for them. A Christian lady does not want a man who will nag her for being active in church, and when he thinks she is doing too much will proffer a kind way to help her adjust. A Christian lady wants a man who will help her watch the kids without complaining while she goes for a prayer retreat(yes, a prayer retreat) and won’t blame his misdeed on her absence or see it as a loop-hole to cheat. She isn’t going to the prayer retreat to pray for herself only anyway. A Christian lady wants a man who will help her identify her gifts/talent and support her in using them effectively to serve her maker and bless humanity in return. Also most Christian ladies want a man who is busy in the house of God too not just a perpetual bench warmer. If all that he wants to do is just grow in the career ladder and he cares less of his contribution in saving lives then a Christian lady is concerned.
4. He allows and supports her in serving humanity and is doing that himself: The bible commands Christians to be their brother’s keeper. A genuine Christian lady, will appreciate a man who embraces this truth and looks for ways to give back to the society. Many ways these can be done is visiting or contributing to an orphanage, sponsoring a child in school, visiting the sick/prisoners, supporting a widow, giving towards educating the poor etc. If there is a course she supports she wants to be sure you share the same view or at least will give your support. A genuine Christian lady does not want a self-centered man; that “other people’s problem is not yours” attitude; Soon her own problem will stop being yours.
5. They are both able to have a consistent prayer/bible study life together as a couple even during courtship which of course will transpire to a stable family altar after marriage. I know many people have mocked this habit, the part of some Christians praying together in courtship yet engaging in pre-marital sex. This should not be. However, that is not the topic for today. The discussion for now is that a Christian lady wants a man who can call her up anytime regardless of their location to say a word of prayer together because he believes in her and believes in the effectiveness of the prayer of agreement they make.
6. One of his utmost priorities is investing in resources to improve her spiritually and mentally: A Christian lady will be glad when her man invests not only in her wardrobe but also in her spiritual and mental life. You’ve never bought her any resourceful book to read?? Not at all?? Nor attended a service in her absence and thought, let me buy this CD it will be beneficial to my woman? You’ve never referred her to any particular inspiring message online or somewhere. You’ve never invited her to a breakfast fellowship, an anointing service, a symposium, a revival (yes, I said a revival)?? Like I said this article is not for everybody, it is for a special audience. Not every girl is thrilled by only colleague get-together or beach *parry* or barbecue weekend. She understands that some activities profiteth nothing, lol …only extra calories, oh yes.
7. He is confident and secured about his faith in God! He is not ashamed to identify as a believer anytime and anywhere: A Christian lady wants a man who knows his place in Christ and is not ashamed of it. He is not ashamed to share where he is coming from, where he has been and how he is a beneficiary of the saving grace of God. We don’t want undercover Christian…Let’s know who you truly are and what you believe or stand for. These days there is some form of sick “confidence” that comes with being a bad guy…it’s amazing how a guy can easily open up on how many girls he is dating/sleeping with at a time. A Christian lady wants a man who can openly say, I have just one woman and I am committed and faithful to only her.
8. He can help in raising godly kids in this perverse world using the scripture as foundation!! Do I need to start explaining this? We don’t want only mummy and the kids going to church and daddy watching EPL or reading newspaper at home on a Sunday morning. We want a man who is very involved in raising a godly child and setting the right example for them to follow. We want a man whose life our children can emulate.
9.They both share the same values with the scripture (Bible) as the basis and final authority: We recognize that we are all from different cultures and backgrounds and that is why we will want a man who sees the Bible as the final authority. If your culture or upbringing encourages a bad habit or belief, does the Bible encourage same?? If your culture says the woman MUST do all the house chores including cooking, washing, cleaning, caring for the kids, grocery shopping, diapering, baby feeding etc we want a man who also believes that the Bible commands husbands to love their wives, and if indeed you believe the Bible and you love her you won’t watch her do everything alone till she burns out.
10.He is able to meet her financial needs: Well, prior to the 21st century a Christian lady did not mind if the guy she’s courting can’t even pay their bus fare 10miles down the road. Back in the days you were carnal if you focused on that. My brother, the 21st century Christian lady wants you to be financially stable in the most minimal way. At least be able to fend for yourself. Christian sisters must not marry poor men oo, Bible says a man who cannot provide for his relatives and especially his household is worse than an infidel (1 Tim 5:8) we must not be the one to understand with you, Christian sisters have suffered in the past lol, the eyes of our hearts have been opened. When you are poor, you are looking for God-fearing geh*, once you become rich you start cheating with *fly geh* because fly geh* is more spiffy…right?? lol Please sir, have some financial security before you come to us, we are smarter now. Please. Please. Please. Thank you.
11.To be continued in part 2….
Thanks for sharing!
You’re welcome Bridget! Thanks for reading 🙂
Amen! Thanks Adesuwa 🙂 lol @ sarcastic piece…maybe a satire like you said.
Thanks ma for this beautiful piece. Will I be wrong to reject a man who has all the above qualities except financial stability? It’s really a big deal for me.
The place of personal conviction that he is your man is very important, even if he is financially stable. These points are just a guide. I have been in a similar position and I understand you. The need to remain prayerful and rely on the help of the Holyspirit cannot be overemphasized. May God guide you in whatever the decision you eventually take.
Awesome piece! Many Christian women need to read this. God help us all.
AMEN!.. Thanks Ella 🙂
I think it’s not a Christian lady not marrying a poor Christian guy but a guy that has nothing doing.. Poverty is a state and not permanent.
I appreciate your write up. Thank you.