If you have not read part 1 of ” What a devout Christian lady in the 21st century looks out for in a man” please stop, read it first, then return, you must have missed a lot. Ok, welcome back! 🙂
Alright, so if you’ve read part 1, these are the remaining points:
11. He is able to meet her psychological, mental and social needs: It is not always about money, some of our brothers in da lord are so myopic ooo! Some cannot even engage a lady and even other people in any reasonable chat/discussion! Sports…nah, Fashion…nothing, Technology…nada, Politics…rara, even scripture zero. Mehn, you need to get it together, the 21st century lady is smarter, when she is alone she wants to reminisce on discussions you both had and say to herself…”hmm, he is one smart guy!! so much to learn from him”.
12. He has a good savings and investing culture: While we believe our husbands-to-be should support the work of the ministry and be cheerful givers. We also believe charity begins at home. A Christian lady wants a man who understands that his immediate family needs are highly important too thus he won’t take solo and unguided actions that are financially detrimental to his wife and kids.
13. He is very very romantic!: We want our guys’ romantic please. Who told you a Christian lady does not want you to propose to her with a 2016 Mercedes Benz? *tongueout* Who told you a Christian girl does not want a surprise birthday bash? Who told you a devout Christian lady does not want a surprise vacation treat? Who told you she will mind an all expense paid day at the spa? Who told you that you can’t go underwear shopping for her?? Who told you all these things are carnal?? *straightface* Well, let’s break it down… Why do you think only a club girl or a *Badt* girl will appreciate being spoiled or even deserves it? Is it a crime to love God? Some guys can’t be bothered! They just do it shabbily because she is spirikoko… lol. The assumption is she doesn’t really need it, her priorities are different. She won’t appreciate it, etc. If only you know what a precious ruby you have. Jesus paid for her with His blood. She holds you in utmost reverence because of the one she believes in. So please don’t treat her any less because she is a choir member (lol) or an intercessor in a Deeper life church. She is a woman too just like every other. She actually deserves it and much more. Don’t join guys that believe they shouldn’t make Valentine special for a Christian lady because “it is not about lovers, it is about St. Valentine…” Well, listen, that’s so not cool… If your Christian girlfriend/fiancé/wife does not share this view with you, please, it won’t stop you from getting to heaven, celebrate valentine with her in the most special way.
14. They have some level of physical and psychological attraction: My brother once shared a valuable tip with me. It helped me before marriage and I will like to share at this junction. If A and B are considering getting married and there is chemistry but they can’t hold any reasonable communication outside being physically attracted to each other, what they share might just be LUST. What happens if they end up together is that, while they have great sex at home, they both have colleague(s) or friend(s) (opposite sex) somewhere who they spend most of their time talking to and sharing ideas with, this should not be. Also, if A and B have so much to talk about each time they are together but, there is nothing like physical attraction(no urge to hold each other, no chemistry e.t.c) they might just be better off as friends(sister and brother in the Lord kind of thing). Which means if they marry, even though they connect psychologically, one party might end up getting sexual satisfaction outside the marriage. Last scenario, if there is some level of physical attraction and you also can have great communication when having discussions then both could pass for a relationship. Back in the days, Christian ladies did not care if they were physically attracted to a guy or not before going down the aisle with him. Over the years, we have learnt from other people’s advice and experience, that you don’t want to be stuck with a man who is either not physically attracted to you or you are not physically attracted to. Most times this ends in one party cheating on the other. Summary: Chemistry – Good communication=Lust, Good communication – Chemistry = Friendship, Chemistry + Good communication = *Possible* soul mate. wink wink
15. They are both medically compatible: Gone are the days when Christian ladies go ahead blindly with relationships without confirming/knowing medical basics all in the name of love. Except you don’t see the person as a likely future partner. You must be sure of things like your hemoglobin trait status (otherwise known as genotype) etc. We want to know in order to make guided decisions.
16. He lives a health conscious lifestyle: When I meet people who say there’s nothing wrong in smoking or drinking as long as you are not an addict or as long as you don’t get drunk blablabla…it bothers me, some even pamper it by saying “I’m just a social drinker” I hear. Statistics show that a lot of these habits come with many other excesses and baggages especially the poor health/short life consequences. It’s very easy to quote scriptures that say do not get drunk with wine or Jesus turned water into wine but if your habits (drinking and smoking) poses a danger to your health and the security and health of those around you, the Christian girl is/should be very concerned.
17. He dresses well!! at least to her taste or what she describes in her taste as “well-dressed” and has some charisma: Christian ladies have gone past trousers above belly button brothers *eyes rolling* or color riot all in the name of color blocking. If your colors must block, let them block well. Let your tops, shirts and trousers be on point at all times. Who told you a Christian lady does not want a man who dresses well, has some poise and carries himself properly? Who told you a Christian lady is the one who should manage the brother with bad breath and body odor all in the name of spirituality? Brethren LOL!, please go and work on yourselves….
18.He can respect her wish and God’s command to abstain from sex until they are both married: In the other article I read, “how to woo a 21st century lady”, the post explicitly stated that to woo a lady you must give her sex, sex, sex… and asides from that article, I hear this a lot. But!! it is not correct, yes we want sex but we will/should wait for the right time. As long as I know, it should be a “no-no” for a devout Christian lady. The Bible speaks against premarital sex and most genuine Christian ladies I know plan to wait, are waiting or waited…but there goes “Christian brother” who should be waiting too pressurizing her into having sex, some even threaten, some act like they support the decision to wait but their actions are saying, “you are on your own” because they go elsewhere for it. Anyway, no lady has ever kept a man by offering him sex. The 21st century devout Christian lady now knows this truth and is willing to wait, she is certain that if you love her, you will gladly wait with all your heart.
19.He has a good reputation with authority and finds it easy to submit to same: It’s stressful when a guy says he is a Christian yet he is a law breaker. He fights every form of authority and finds it very difficult to submit. He has relational problem with virtually everyone and he tries to justify it with scriptures. She wants to know that you live at peace at least with most people and you are not always at logger heads with authority.
20.He does not complain and murmur when it comes to giving to God: The Bible talks about paying tithes and offering. We want a man who obeys this command without grumbling.
21. He is not lazy: A Christian lady does not want a man who is lazy but then covers it up with spirituality. We know the race is not to the swift and the battle is not to the strong but please she wants to see you put in efforts towards achieving career goals, financial goals, and even family goals.
22. He has respect for his/her parents and family/loved ones: It bothers a devout Christian girl or at least should bother a Christian girl when you have a very unhealthy relationship with your family members or her family members. Please, don’t use church or spirituality as an excuse. We want you to be able to work out a good relationship with the ones who truly are yours and ours. If you walked out on your family members or loved ones or keep away from them despite their contributions to your life, well who knows… you can easily walk out on us too someday. And if you find it difficult establishing a good relationship with our loved ones, we feel it’s a time bomb waiting to explode, soon we will be affected.
23. Finally, she wants to know that his ultimate goal is to make heaven: This last point can not be over emphasized. There is huge difference between a man aiming to make heaven and one who cares less. A man pressing to see God after his sojourn here on earth will handle life in a totally different way. Moreover, if two people are not going to the same final destination, what business do they have together?
The place of personal conviction and the leading of the Holy Spirit is as well very important. You can meet a man who has all these qualities and he is still not the one for you. These points are just a guide. Also, no one man is likely to meet every one of these listed points, but I believe I have been able to touch on some helpful points. Hopefully, it helps someone to work on himself(our men). I also hope a Christian girl somewhere realizes she is not alone in her search for her ideal man. They exist.