I have an epistle to spew, please pardon me. There’s an issue I’ve had on my mind for a while, something similar happened recently, reason I thought it was necessary I discuss it now. It’s been long overdue. Maybe, it could help someone make a decision. I have observed that each time I try to introduce a lady based either in the US or in the UK to a guy back at home in Nigeria or who is here in the US but maybe has reasons to stay back abroad, 95% of the time, the US or UK based lady in question always refuses. Most of these ladies are permanent residents or citizens of these said countries (US and UK esp.) so it’s not like they want a guy with papers to earn their legal stay here, if you get what I mean?
Some ladies who have been honest enough on this issue have opened up to tell me the truth behind their refusal. They say ‘most people in Nigeria or Africa are only looking to marry someone outside the country or continent for the papers*. They are not genuine. I strongly believe there is an iota of truth in this BUT, from personal experience I have tried to match make so many guys in Nigeria/Africa with ladies here in the US or some other western countries and some guys have told me, “NO” out rightly. Some have said, Titi, I prefer someone in Nigeria as I don’t plan to relocate. Some have said I want someone taller, I want someone slimmer, I want someone godly etc. and so they turn down these lady prospects abroad.
This clearly means that not all guys or better put, not everyone is solely after “the papers”. (You’ve got to accept this or live in denial) If they were after the papers they wouldn’t care who it is that anyone is referring them to. They will jump at it. This is the reason it bothers me when a lady turns a guy down instantly when she hasn’t even had a conversation with him not because she can’t honestly cope with the distance, nor for the fear of his smooth transition to wherever she is based after marriage but simply because she has successfully convinced herself that all Africa based guys esp. Nigerians are looking to marry a lady abroad just to “get out”. It is not always the case my dears. Some of these guys (especially my prospects *proud to say this*) are doing very well back at home. And if they desire to live abroad, why not *sistehs*?
On the other hand, a lot of guys in the US and UK that I have spoken with are more flexible. I am aware that some guys are skeptical too but not as much as ladies. For most guys abroad, location is not always a major issue. Most guys here in the US will tell me… as long as she is a good lady and is willing to relocate, it can be worked out. A guy does not mind if he has to file for a lady to bring her over, as long as she has all the qualities he wants in his woman. Shouldn’t this apply to ladies too? We focus too much on this paper brouhaha, well; maybe so I think. I mean, it plays out this way too for ladies. You want a man who is not just working but has a car, has financial security, has job security, has a house etc. It simply means you want a better life (so what is the difference?) If a man wishes to live outside Nigeria/africa and the woman he claims to love is the one who will make this happen, WHY NOT? If it has to do with the process of getting accustomed to the system and settling in etc, he will get there with time. You were once a JJC (Johnny Just come) abroad too. Am I being myopic here. Or is it a gender thing? If you desire to be married you need to have some level of relative flexibility. Like I said earlier, I know there are some guys who want to come over just for the papers, I also know to some extent, that it’s easy to identify these particular set of people with time.
So dear lady in diaspora, there might be something we are missing. Not all guys whom their ladies filed for turned out to be beasts nor have failed marriages abroad. I know there are lots of scary stories here and there but there are beautiful stories too. Many Nigerian guys I know who live in the US/UK are actually going back to Nigeria/Africa to get their women. There are also a few ladies who have gone back to live with their Africa based boo until the couple decide on the way forward. If as a lady, you don’t intend to live in Africa, and you have to be the one to file for a guy so that you can live your lives together here in the states, I don’t think there should be an issue with that. It’s not about the papers all the time. Try to focus on the “person”, which is what matters most. The truth is those of us who are lucky to have “the papers” earned it some how except you can trace your own lineage back to one of the thirteen British colonies. I just feel all these has so much to do with the ambiguous importance we attach to living abroad. Who should we blame by the way? Buhari or Jonathan? PDP or APC? Democrats or Republicans? Mandela or Trump? Hahaha…I think I should stop here.